Without You
by OzZMaN
Summary: A sad songfic idea that I had to carry through on. Basically centers around Cloud's thoughts and emotions after a certain devastating event traumatized him.... Please RR!


Without You

**_Without You_**_ _

an original work of FF7 fanfiction by OzZMaN

_Without You _words & music copyright Andy Gray, _After the Fall_

Cloud sat in the window of the villa, feeling the warmth of the sunlight play upon his features.He was emotionless now, his soul somehow finding peace in the empty void of sorrow._Why did she have to go and do this, why? _his mind repeatedly shouted at him.If his memories and emotions weren't completely shambled before, now they were a total wreck.She was gone, never to return to him…. 

_Lifetime of deceit,_

_Don't know what it is to me._

_So what else can I be _

_Without you? _

_ _

He wasn't the only one affected by this tragedy; all the members of avalanche were as well.They felt his sorrow, they sympathized with him, but deep down, they knew nothing of his pain.His heart was stone cold now, totally devoid of the comfort and joy that it overflowed when she was near him.He knew now that this feeling was never to return, for she and she alone had made his heart come to life.As quickly as she had made that fateful decision, his soul had vanished.He was lost, confused, and cold now, his heart iced over and empty. 

_So blind I can see, _

_Without you here to show me. _

_Life is nothing to me, _

_Without you._

Cloud thought back to only a few weeks ago, when she was still here.He remembered the letter, those words blotted in ink on the wrinkled paper, the words that essentially stopped his world from turning, and forced it in retreat.The tears had blinded him only halfway down the page to where he could understand no more, read no more, and think no more.He refused to believe it at first, knowing it could be nothing more than a sick Mako-induced illusion his battered mind was playing on him.But somewhere within his heart, it felt right.He knew that something awful had happened, that gut wrenching feeling he had within him, that somehow his worst nightmare was becoming a reality.He had felt totally helpless, powerless to do anything to stop the inevitable.Only then did Cloud realize that it was all his fault, that if only he had said something to her sooner, only if he had just shoved his pride aside and told her how he felt.It was too late now; she was gone, and now he was forced to live the rest of his life in this haze of guilt and sorrow. 

_Without you, _

_Without you in my arms, _

_Without you here to hold me, _

_Without you my dreams are empty, _

_Without you… _

_ _

Something boiled within him, that all too familiar feeling he once had for his ultimate nemesis.Sephiroth.But now, that feeling wasn't directed at that curse of a being, instead, it was forced upon himself.Yes, he felt a burning, emotionless hatred for himself for causing this mess.He had failed so many times in his life.He failed to join soldier and become the hero he had told so many he would become.He failed to protect Aeris from Sephiroth's cold blade of hell, and now she no longer breathed, no longer lit up the world with her grace and her beauty.But his ultimate failure, his most feared moment, had become a grim reality.He failed to tell her sooner, and she gave up on this life.She acted on emotion, on a whim, without ever knowing the truth.She gave up on him, and now he had given up on himself.That was his reality.A failed experiment, doomed to live out an existence of emotional hell and lamentation.He just couldn't fathom why it had to be this way, why things, for one time in his pathetic life, couldn't turn out the way he wanted.She was all he ever cared about, all he ever loved, all he ever wanted, and just when he thought he was so close to touching her, to finally reaching her, it all came to a screeching halt. 

_Oh God, please end my misery, end my suffering, I simply can't deal with this anymore._His mind voiced the aching pain his broken heart felt.It was rapidly becoming too much for this grief stricken warrior to handle…. 

_Cold dark road, _

_W__ithout a light to guide me._

_I trip and fall, _

_But you're not here to stop me. _

_ _

_I lose my way, _

_You were the map to guide me. _

_Wish you could see, _

_Oh how I needed you beside me. _

_ _

He had ridden for hours on his chocobo until he arrived there.He had to see her one last time, one last moment… 

Cloud slowly approached the grave of his beloved, his angel without a halo.She had fallen, fallen from the heaven from which she was sent, fallen out of his life and entered a realm beyond his reach.He kneeled down beside the headstone, placing a flower beside it.He read the words delicately engraved in the shiny marble as a lone tear slipped from his eye.Unable to hold back his distraught emotions any longer, he leaned over and kissed the headstone as the tears began to flow freely. 

"WHY?????Oh God, what did I do to deserve this?I can't go on…any longer….not..like this…"Cloud shouted to the heavens. 

_Without You, _

_Without your heart, _

_Without you my life is tearing me apart, _

_Without you my soul is old, _

_Without you… _

_ _

The full moon glistened in the night sky, casting a dark shadow of Cloud's sleeping figure on the ground beside him.The air around him was thick with emotion and grief, his body enraptured in a torturous nightmare.His eyes suddenly shot wide awake, but there was no fear in them.Instead there was fire, will, and determination.He had made up his mind, cast aside his doubt and worries, his heart beating with anticipation.He slowly stood up, his eyes returning to the name engraved in the stone.His lips moved, but he heard no voice, only emptiness. 

"Your death was not in vain.I see no end to this dismal limbo within which I am trapped, never to break free.I have decided that this is the last time I will allow myself to fail.There is no atonement for my existence, for that too, is now tainted with your blood.My hands aren't any cleaner, and at least I'll have rid the world of a perpetual curse." 

_Drowning in this flood, _

_Bleed my last drop of blood. _

_Dying here in the mud, _

_Without you. _

_ _

_All the roses I gave you, _

_Withered just like our love. _

_Though I thought it was from God above, _

_And now I'm nothing, nothing, _

_Without you. _

_ _

He looked up at the starlit sky as if seeking reassurance, asking the stars for a second chance with his love.They were shining brilliantly, the entire sky seeming to be an endless ocean of stars, just like that night at the well years ago.His Mako infused eyes glowed like fireflies in the moonlight, yet there was no light in them.Their light and their life had faded with the loss of an angel, a dear friend whom he'd have lived and died for.She had left too soon, because of his absentmindedness, because of his failure to tell her what she so badly needed to hear from him.His failure.The words stung in the back of his mind like a thousand hot needles, such as the desolate memories he had of his consistent shortcomings.It was his fault his angel had departed, and he was not prepared to live any longer with such a bleak memory branded into his mind.He wanted his existence erased from the folds of time.He had sown in the wind, and now he must reap the whirlwind. 

_Without you, _

_Without you in my arms, _

_Without you here to hold me,_

_Without you my dreams are empty, _

_Without you, _

_Without you, _

_Without your heart, _

_Without you my life is tearing me apart, _

_Without you my soul is old, _

_Without you... _

_ _

Wearing a mask of fortitude, he closed his eyes and concentrated.A glowing green mist began to encircle the ground around him, and colored orbs of light flew through the air, penetrating his body with pure energy.The ground beneath his feet began to shake, and it soon caved in, causing him to fall into another dimension, a dimension of his end – his ultimate end. 

_Without you, _

_Without you, _

_Without you, _

_I am nothing without you, _

_Nothing without you, _

_Nothing without you, _

_All alone and nothing without you… _

_ _

The knights began to strike, pure fury and hatred burning in their ghostlike eyes.Blow after blow they delivered him, each one releasing him from his failures on this planet, from his curse, from his living hell.He relished in the pain his broken body was receiving, knowing even this could never propitiate for the death he had caused.His eyesight was now fading, the last images his eyes receiving being a red caped monster with an enormous sword, the sword of justice, the sword of his punishment.It came down upon him in one swift stroke, then just as quickly his battered body was returned to reality.Weak, mortally wounded, and emotionally shattered, he found just enough strength to reach out and touch the letters of the name on the headstone.Choking on powerful sobs of guilt and regret, he gathered all the strength his body had left.With all his might, he let loose a blood curdling scream to the night sky. 

"TIIIIIIFFFFFAAAAAAA!!!!!!!" 

And then he fell, the light in his eyes extinguished.

_My soul is gone, _

_My heart is cold, _

_I can't go on, _

_Without you...... _

_ _

---------------------------------------------------- 

Okay, this was a total spur of the moment deal.The idea for it popped into my head after hearing the gorgeous song in this fic, so I had to follow through on it.  The song was written by a very good friend of mine, and maybe one of the most talented songwriters I've ever had the grace of meeting. Hope you like it, although I'm not a big fan of death fics.Email at [OzZMaN547@aol.com][1] with any comments. 

Signed OzZMaN….. 

   [1]: mailto:OzZMaN547@aol.com



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